At 70, retired and restless
40 years after he left home
For ‘greener’ and ‘younger’ pastures;
Whenever I go into town
I find myself in a baby shop
I want my baby to wear pink…
I would dress her in pink dresses
And tie pink ribbons in her hair.
I would name her May, June…
Or July…this winter child…
Born in the winter of my life
But July is such a heavy name
For a sweet little baby girl.
I love the feel of the soft, rich texture
Of a pink baby blanket
And the sweet fragrance of baby powder
This baby of my old age,
Will have everything
all the other children never had.
Today, I am putting everything
pink in a trolley, a rattle, a sun hat…
I put my wrinkled hands
on what could be my baby girl’s cradle
And take a deep breath
I see her lying there
As I look for diapers
There is blood in her eyes
There’s blood on her mouth
There is blood on her pink sheets
Cot death has always been my worst fear
I want to gather her in my arms
And rock her gently
But she seems so far away from me
And yet my husband’s thick and bushy hands
Appear from nowhere…
Those rough hands that used to beat me…
And strangle me every month-end.
Oh, how they have aged!
I can’t see his face
But he is rocking my baby’s cradle.
I can’t see his face but I can hear him singing:
‘Hush, little baby don’t say a word
Papa’s gonna buy you a mocking bird…’
How can this voice rock my baby to sleep?
I want to scream…
Those hands cannot rock the cradle!
‘And if that mocking bird don’t sing
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.’
In the winter of my life, he has come back
To rock the cradle
So that it can fall again…
Brandishing my walking stick,
With new-found energy
I rush to the cradle
He tries to strangle my baby
‘Hush, little baby…’
His rough, murderous hands…
…my elegant and utilitarian walking stick
meet half way…
‘Ma’am, are you okay?’
The shop assistant’s soft
and tender hands guide me gently
To the door.
Born in Mutare, Zimbabwe, Ethel Irene Kabwato trained as a secondary school teacher and holds a BA in Media Studies. She is featured in important anthologies that have shaped literary spaces in Africa and the world such as New Daughters of Africa (Myriad Press), Sunflowers in Your Eyes (Cinnamon Press), Poetry International Website (Netherlands), Writing Free ( Weaver Press), and Ghetto Diary (Zimbabwe Publishing House) an anthology that was selected as a set book for Advanced-level literature students in Zimbabwe. Her poetry is included in Between Two Rocks, (ed. Ben Gaydos, Flint University) in collaboration with the Zimbabwe Cultural Centre in Detroit (ZCCD). In August 2023, Kabwato was the ZCCD/Litfest research writer in residence in Detroit.